3-2-14
It certainly seems like most people I know are dating, getting engaged or married, or having children. Me, I've still never really been on a date, despite the desire to have done so. Is it because I lack self-confidence that I get overlooked? Or is it because I'm heavier than I'd like to be? (Because certainly I got paid more attention to when I weighed less, so don't tell me that's not a thing.) And how will I ever meet someone?
My specialization here at graduate school has mostly women in it (and the guys are either dating, engaged, or otherwise disinclined). Maybe I missed the boat in undergraduate. I don't know. I was still figuring out friendships, to be honest, since I didn't really have a group of people who wanted to be around me and vice versa until I came back from Ebeye. And the student group at church is mostly undergraduates and mostly female, at least the parts of it I've seen.
And I recently finished reading The Fault In Our Stars, and one of the things I pondered was What if I never fall in love? Ever? And I don't have a satisfying answer to that because I do have that desire. It might be easier if I felt called to singleness, you know?
Some of my friends (one that I'm thinking of in particular) would say that falling in love is easy. I semi-disagree. It might be easy for that particular friend, but so far it hasn't for me. I don't think I've ever "fallen in love." Are my standards too high? Am I too picky? How would I just 'know'? I'm not sure I necessarily believe in love-at-first-sight, either. I think it would have to happen to me for me to believe in it.
So here I am, surrounded by my books and homework. I hope this doesn't sound too bitter; it's not meant to be. I'm just frustrated when it feels like I'm falling behind whether or not that's actually the case, that I'm once again behind the times like in middle school when I could jump on the new trend only after it became the old trend.
Showing posts with label graduate school. Show all posts
Showing posts with label graduate school. Show all posts
Sunday, March 2, 2014
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Monday, January 6, 2014
Eureka
1-6-14
Today I learned or had affirmed that what I'm learning in graduate school is IMMEDIATELY applicable to the real world.
Today I sat in a history conference at the General Conference (yes, that General Conference, those of you who might be wondering) and listened to great papers and interesting ideas from historians and teachers and theologians, all the while getting ideas on how I could apply what I have already learned in one semester to the current situations and try to improve what already exists.
Today I saw displays and immediately thought about light levels affecting the items and the books, asked questions about the climate around the White family library (it's ambient because they have so many daily tours) and learned about the fire suppression system. I saw the backlog in the archives and learned that the powers-that-were didn't listen to the first appointed archivist who requested a vault twice the size of the one that was built--and I saw the tiny scanners that they're using to digitize material with. I learned that the first Adventist to gain a Phd. in English (in literature, to boot) did so at the University of Michigan, the university at which I'm currently studying.
I had a discussion with a current archivist about the overwhelming fact that born-digital materials (like early emails) are already disappearing because the creators didn't think they were important, and how not many people know what to do to keep and preserves records before they reach an archives.
I'm finally in the right field and it's a great feeling.
Today I learned or had affirmed that what I'm learning in graduate school is IMMEDIATELY applicable to the real world.
Today I sat in a history conference at the General Conference (yes, that General Conference, those of you who might be wondering) and listened to great papers and interesting ideas from historians and teachers and theologians, all the while getting ideas on how I could apply what I have already learned in one semester to the current situations and try to improve what already exists.
Today I saw displays and immediately thought about light levels affecting the items and the books, asked questions about the climate around the White family library (it's ambient because they have so many daily tours) and learned about the fire suppression system. I saw the backlog in the archives and learned that the powers-that-were didn't listen to the first appointed archivist who requested a vault twice the size of the one that was built--and I saw the tiny scanners that they're using to digitize material with. I learned that the first Adventist to gain a Phd. in English (in literature, to boot) did so at the University of Michigan, the university at which I'm currently studying.
I had a discussion with a current archivist about the overwhelming fact that born-digital materials (like early emails) are already disappearing because the creators didn't think they were important, and how not many people know what to do to keep and preserves records before they reach an archives.
I'm finally in the right field and it's a great feeling.
Friday, November 15, 2013
Measuring I.4.84
11-15-13
I sort of wish I could make this fiction-y, but I don't think I could. I'm not sure I want to, if that makes sense.
Anyway, this week I realized that I've been doing the same thing that Bean did at the beginning of Ender's Shadow, trying to conquer all the schoolwork when it was the connections with the people that needed to be created. I've been doing a bit of that, too, but it's definitely not the same as some of my classmates (one seems super unassuming and yet is sometimes talking about some informational, networking trip he made; he wants to share the information with us, which is nice, but he seems so on top of it).
I mean, this is the first week I've actually gone to speak to professors outside of class (and only one I spoke to is a professor I actually have in a class this semester). Granted, it is faculty advising and we have open advising, so anybody in our school can sign up to talk to any professor in our school, but still.
I ended up telling the one professor I went to advise with (more like, confirm everything I'd already planned out) that I've been adjusting to coming to such a big school (which is true) and that I'd been doing that by just trying to get all my homework done, and not visiting profs despite my desire to do so. The professor's advice? One, if a professor's office hours clash with my classes or with work, just e-mail them and set up a time, and two, "stop being bashful" because I'm paying a lot of money to go here and I should take advantage of what I'm paying for. Which I totally agree with.
But I suppose it rubbed against other things I've been told, like this here. And so I've been living in my head too much this week, feeling a bit like an impostor even though I know I'm not, and feeling a bit overwhelmed. That also might explain why I've been trying to earn the procrastination honor this week; I have stuff to do, papers to write, etc, but I find myself reading webcomics and eating ice cream instead, partially because there's still two weeks til the paper is due and partially because I don't know why.
Anyway, I have once again resolved certain things. The clue's in the title and this link.
The other resolution is that my confidence can't come from my appearance, but that's for a whole 'nother post.
I sort of wish I could make this fiction-y, but I don't think I could. I'm not sure I want to, if that makes sense.
Anyway, this week I realized that I've been doing the same thing that Bean did at the beginning of Ender's Shadow, trying to conquer all the schoolwork when it was the connections with the people that needed to be created. I've been doing a bit of that, too, but it's definitely not the same as some of my classmates (one seems super unassuming and yet is sometimes talking about some informational, networking trip he made; he wants to share the information with us, which is nice, but he seems so on top of it).
I mean, this is the first week I've actually gone to speak to professors outside of class (and only one I spoke to is a professor I actually have in a class this semester). Granted, it is faculty advising and we have open advising, so anybody in our school can sign up to talk to any professor in our school, but still.
I ended up telling the one professor I went to advise with (more like, confirm everything I'd already planned out) that I've been adjusting to coming to such a big school (which is true) and that I'd been doing that by just trying to get all my homework done, and not visiting profs despite my desire to do so. The professor's advice? One, if a professor's office hours clash with my classes or with work, just e-mail them and set up a time, and two, "stop being bashful" because I'm paying a lot of money to go here and I should take advantage of what I'm paying for. Which I totally agree with.
But I suppose it rubbed against other things I've been told, like this here. And so I've been living in my head too much this week, feeling a bit like an impostor even though I know I'm not, and feeling a bit overwhelmed. That also might explain why I've been trying to earn the procrastination honor this week; I have stuff to do, papers to write, etc, but I find myself reading webcomics and eating ice cream instead, partially because there's still two weeks til the paper is due and partially because I don't know why.
Anyway, I have once again resolved certain things. The clue's in the title and this link.
The other resolution is that my confidence can't come from my appearance, but that's for a whole 'nother post.
Sunday, October 20, 2013
Fall (Study) Break, Part 2
10/20/13
A week ago (which is what I'm writing about), my parents drove up to A2 because my truck was leaking power steering fluid big-time. Like, it turned out to be a fantastically large hole in one of the hoses. Happily Dad was able to get the hose off, I was able to purchase a new hose and some clamps, and Dad put the new hose on. Awesomely, it was less than $20. Not awesomely, the guy at the store kept directing his questions to Dad until it finally dawned on him that 1) I knew the answers about my vehicle, as it was my vehicle, and 2) that I was the one paying for the parts, and thus he began talking to me. I paid Dad with lunch (I also bought it for Mom and D, and that took a nice chunk of money out of the bank account, but it was nice.)
So no more worries about the leaking power steering fluid on Grune. However, the 'Check Engine' light is still on and he doesn't like going up hills AT ALL and so when I'm in MC for Thanksgiving or Christmas, I think I might have my transmission flushed or whatever the process is there. I want to keep this vehicle running indefinitely.
On Monday I had to work, and I was learning how to do pick-up and discharge. Big whoop. Tuesday I spent all day doing my reading for 581, wearing several layers of clothes and wrapped in blankets. I don't want to turn on my heat until I absolutely have to. I like sleeping cool and I like saving money, so unless I can see my breath, all is well. Besides, if my landlord (who lives on the bottom floor) turns on his heat, well, heat rises.
On Wednesday I talked to the cute bus-stop guy (who is indeed my next-door neighbor on the top floor), and he spent 11 hours each day of the break working on a project. He's a biomedicalsomethingorother graduate student. And then I went to class and group meeting and then I walked around Kerrytown and visited the Farmers' Market and Hollander's. Maybe I'll eventually buy something from one of those places.
More later.
A week ago (which is what I'm writing about), my parents drove up to A2 because my truck was leaking power steering fluid big-time. Like, it turned out to be a fantastically large hole in one of the hoses. Happily Dad was able to get the hose off, I was able to purchase a new hose and some clamps, and Dad put the new hose on. Awesomely, it was less than $20. Not awesomely, the guy at the store kept directing his questions to Dad until it finally dawned on him that 1) I knew the answers about my vehicle, as it was my vehicle, and 2) that I was the one paying for the parts, and thus he began talking to me. I paid Dad with lunch (I also bought it for Mom and D, and that took a nice chunk of money out of the bank account, but it was nice.)
So no more worries about the leaking power steering fluid on Grune. However, the 'Check Engine' light is still on and he doesn't like going up hills AT ALL and so when I'm in MC for Thanksgiving or Christmas, I think I might have my transmission flushed or whatever the process is there. I want to keep this vehicle running indefinitely.
On Monday I had to work, and I was learning how to do pick-up and discharge. Big whoop. Tuesday I spent all day doing my reading for 581, wearing several layers of clothes and wrapped in blankets. I don't want to turn on my heat until I absolutely have to. I like sleeping cool and I like saving money, so unless I can see my breath, all is well. Besides, if my landlord (who lives on the bottom floor) turns on his heat, well, heat rises.
On Wednesday I talked to the cute bus-stop guy (who is indeed my next-door neighbor on the top floor), and he spent 11 hours each day of the break working on a project. He's a biomedicalsomethingorother graduate student. And then I went to class and group meeting and then I walked around Kerrytown and visited the Farmers' Market and Hollander's. Maybe I'll eventually buy something from one of those places.
More later.
Friday, October 11, 2013
Fall (Study) Break, Part 1
10/11/13
Seriously, it's midterm already? Already?
I mean, I have a midterm test next Friday in SI 502 (that's my programming class). It's open code, open book, open everything but other people during the test. I've actually been considering applying to be a 502 GSI next fall; I keep finishing my code before discussion session and then helping my classmates. (Of course, it doesn't hurt that all MY GSI does is re-hash the lecture and barely lets us ask questions or help each other, when I know for a fact that many of the 502 GSIs have their sessions do exactly that, asking and helping.)
It's still my favorite class. Sadly, my least favorite thus far seems to be the archives one. Cassandra, one of my archives classmates (though she's also in 581 and 502 with me), says that maybe it's the class and not the specialization, that I should find a job doing archive-y stuff before changing my mind. But, you know, we're almost a 1/4 done with this program already. Like, no joke. It's practically graduation when you think like that. (Can't think like that. I have a test next week.)
I still have work next week, so it's not like it's an entirely 'break' break, but I don't have my class-from-10-to-7 day on Tuesday next week, so that's beautiful. But I have lots of projects I need to get a jump on--designing a collection preservation plan for a semi-fictional collection and figuring out my position paper for archives and studying for my 502 midterm by going through my old code. So I'll still be busy starting again tomorrow night. (Oh boy do I love Sabbath. I think I'm one of the least-stressed people in my cohort because I have 24 blessed hours when I don't worry about anything, especially school.)
More later during this (study) break.
Seriously, it's midterm already? Already?
I mean, I have a midterm test next Friday in SI 502 (that's my programming class). It's open code, open book, open everything but other people during the test. I've actually been considering applying to be a 502 GSI next fall; I keep finishing my code before discussion session and then helping my classmates. (Of course, it doesn't hurt that all MY GSI does is re-hash the lecture and barely lets us ask questions or help each other, when I know for a fact that many of the 502 GSIs have their sessions do exactly that, asking and helping.)
It's still my favorite class. Sadly, my least favorite thus far seems to be the archives one. Cassandra, one of my archives classmates (though she's also in 581 and 502 with me), says that maybe it's the class and not the specialization, that I should find a job doing archive-y stuff before changing my mind. But, you know, we're almost a 1/4 done with this program already. Like, no joke. It's practically graduation when you think like that. (Can't think like that. I have a test next week.)
I still have work next week, so it's not like it's an entirely 'break' break, but I don't have my class-from-10-to-7 day on Tuesday next week, so that's beautiful. But I have lots of projects I need to get a jump on--designing a collection preservation plan for a semi-fictional collection and figuring out my position paper for archives and studying for my 502 midterm by going through my old code. So I'll still be busy starting again tomorrow night. (Oh boy do I love Sabbath. I think I'm one of the least-stressed people in my cohort because I have 24 blessed hours when I don't worry about anything, especially school.)
More later during this (study) break.
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Getting Caught Up
9/26/13
Wow, it's almost October. Which, here in Michigan, is going to end up being Octobrrrr. The leaves are already changing and I think that's thrown me off a bit because I'm still mentally in Tennessee, when it comes to seasons at least.
My favorite class so far is my programming class. I am learning how to code in Python.
Today for a class project (for a different class), I got to see the Papyrology Collection, which includes wooden mummy tags, various ostraka--and the oldest manuscript of a good portion of Paul's letters. I saw part of the book of Romans--11:36 to about 12:something--written in Greek on papyrus. It was ridiculously awesome. (We were actually ostensibly doing an environmental check because that's our assignment, but the place has such filtered air that the reading room actually smelled weird.)
I've been learning the bus system (since I want to know how it works before it's freezing and snowy outside), but when I walk the twenty minutes to campus, I try to take different paths so I can learn the city better. (I think I already know it better than I do Michigan City or Chattanooga, but that's partially because I haven't really lived in Michigan City for years and Southern wasn't a twenty-minute walk from downtown Chattanooga.) Today I was walking a new route to my job at the stacks office when someone behind me spotted my SI bag and decided to give me her contact information because she's an SI grad and knows that we're supposed to network. So that was cool.
Biggest problem so far is that I've been a bit lonely, despite making friends. I miss my jeesh, my fellowship. (You guys know who you are.) Yeah, I'm learning how to keep track of my finances, use coupons and read the grocery ads (though I haven't bought a Sunday paper yet), got Netflix (to watch Doctor Who), navigate the bus system and what not. Yeah, I'm driving to Detroit for a class project and will have to fill out a reimbursement form for the gas money. Yeah, the guy in the apartment next door sometimes walks around without a shirt on (of course I noticed). And there's a guy I only talk with on Wednesday mornings because we share the bus stop for five minutes before the bus arrives. And, yeah, I go to church, but I see them once a week. But overall, no real deep connections anywhere.
So sometimes I wish I had my friends here to discover it all with me. I wish I had Castle nights (I'm still about four episodes behind) and chances to play the character Gwen. Time to go to sleep.
Wow, it's almost October. Which, here in Michigan, is going to end up being Octobrrrr. The leaves are already changing and I think that's thrown me off a bit because I'm still mentally in Tennessee, when it comes to seasons at least.
My favorite class so far is my programming class. I am learning how to code in Python.
Today for a class project (for a different class), I got to see the Papyrology Collection, which includes wooden mummy tags, various ostraka--and the oldest manuscript of a good portion of Paul's letters. I saw part of the book of Romans--11:36 to about 12:something--written in Greek on papyrus. It was ridiculously awesome. (We were actually ostensibly doing an environmental check because that's our assignment, but the place has such filtered air that the reading room actually smelled weird.)
I've been learning the bus system (since I want to know how it works before it's freezing and snowy outside), but when I walk the twenty minutes to campus, I try to take different paths so I can learn the city better. (I think I already know it better than I do Michigan City or Chattanooga, but that's partially because I haven't really lived in Michigan City for years and Southern wasn't a twenty-minute walk from downtown Chattanooga.) Today I was walking a new route to my job at the stacks office when someone behind me spotted my SI bag and decided to give me her contact information because she's an SI grad and knows that we're supposed to network. So that was cool.
Biggest problem so far is that I've been a bit lonely, despite making friends. I miss my jeesh, my fellowship. (You guys know who you are.) Yeah, I'm learning how to keep track of my finances, use coupons and read the grocery ads (though I haven't bought a Sunday paper yet), got Netflix (to watch Doctor Who), navigate the bus system and what not. Yeah, I'm driving to Detroit for a class project and will have to fill out a reimbursement form for the gas money. Yeah, the guy in the apartment next door sometimes walks around without a shirt on (of course I noticed). And there's a guy I only talk with on Wednesday mornings because we share the bus stop for five minutes before the bus arrives. And, yeah, I go to church, but I see them once a week. But overall, no real deep connections anywhere.
So sometimes I wish I had my friends here to discover it all with me. I wish I had Castle nights (I'm still about four episodes behind) and chances to play the character Gwen. Time to go to sleep.
Friday, September 6, 2013
Orientation and First Week
9/6/13
Last week, we had orientation, a combination of ice breakers and introduction lectures and what not. I think the most helpful thing was the group activity we did with our groups from the 501 class (the groups are assigned and we work together all semester). I think I'm part of a pretty great group. I don't think it's going to be like group work I've done in past scholarly years--it was a big thing I was worried about, seeing as I was always the one who made sure it got done. Now we're all the ones making sure it gets done. Yay!
On Saturday I turned twenty-six. The highlight of my birthday came at 10:40 PM, when a whole roomful of friends playing Rockband paused and sang Happy Birthday to me via Robby's cell phone. Yep, folks, that was the highlight. I still don't know anyone super well yet, I wasn't going to tail-gate (for several reasons, 1, it was Sabbath, 2, I don't drink, 3, I'm not a big big fan of football).
This week I started classes. Tuesdays are going to be doozies, but I at least will have time on other days for doing homework and working. Wednesdays I have to get up incredibly early in order to get the right bus. If I don't get the right bus, I'm walking the twenty minutes to North Quad. (I also discovered that the closest bus route to my apartment has two different routes, the most direct route to NQ ending around 8:40 AM and not picking back up until about 3 PM. So that's fun. I found out by getting on the bus and having a moment of "Hey why aren't we there?" and being told "I don't go there" by the driver. At least he pointed me in the right direction.)
Yesterday I had a job interview at one of the libraries here on campus. She offered me the job, and I accepted. After I sent my acceptance e-mail, I received two e-mails asking if I'd interview for jobs with them, so I had to send "Sorry I already accepted another job but maybe we'll think of each other at a different semester" e-mails to both of them. So that was fun.
Today we had a convocation where we sat and listened to a bunch of people speak about how awesome the school is and how awesome the projects they're doing are. (Truthfully, of course.) Then they made us new students stand up after introducing new faculty and new doctoral students. Then they fed us a free meal. I won a stadium blanket in blue and gold, but it has the name of the sponsoring credit union (with whom I don't and won't have an account) on it. New gear, though.
More later.
Last week, we had orientation, a combination of ice breakers and introduction lectures and what not. I think the most helpful thing was the group activity we did with our groups from the 501 class (the groups are assigned and we work together all semester). I think I'm part of a pretty great group. I don't think it's going to be like group work I've done in past scholarly years--it was a big thing I was worried about, seeing as I was always the one who made sure it got done. Now we're all the ones making sure it gets done. Yay!
On Saturday I turned twenty-six. The highlight of my birthday came at 10:40 PM, when a whole roomful of friends playing Rockband paused and sang Happy Birthday to me via Robby's cell phone. Yep, folks, that was the highlight. I still don't know anyone super well yet, I wasn't going to tail-gate (for several reasons, 1, it was Sabbath, 2, I don't drink, 3, I'm not a big big fan of football).
This week I started classes. Tuesdays are going to be doozies, but I at least will have time on other days for doing homework and working. Wednesdays I have to get up incredibly early in order to get the right bus. If I don't get the right bus, I'm walking the twenty minutes to North Quad. (I also discovered that the closest bus route to my apartment has two different routes, the most direct route to NQ ending around 8:40 AM and not picking back up until about 3 PM. So that's fun. I found out by getting on the bus and having a moment of "Hey why aren't we there?" and being told "I don't go there" by the driver. At least he pointed me in the right direction.)
Yesterday I had a job interview at one of the libraries here on campus. She offered me the job, and I accepted. After I sent my acceptance e-mail, I received two e-mails asking if I'd interview for jobs with them, so I had to send "Sorry I already accepted another job but maybe we'll think of each other at a different semester" e-mails to both of them. So that was fun.
Today we had a convocation where we sat and listened to a bunch of people speak about how awesome the school is and how awesome the projects they're doing are. (Truthfully, of course.) Then they made us new students stand up after introducing new faculty and new doctoral students. Then they fed us a free meal. I won a stadium blanket in blue and gold, but it has the name of the sponsoring credit union (with whom I don't and won't have an account) on it. New gear, though.
More later.
Saturday, August 17, 2013
First Impressions
8-17-13
So, arrived here on Friday. I'm not in the apartment I was expecting to be (it's not finished yet), but I still have a place to live and he's not changing the rent because it's his fault the apartment I was going to be isn't finished yet. He and his parents (who spend weekends here working on the little apartment) helped me bring most of my stuff in. The one guy thinks I have a lot of stuff, but really it's clothes and books and kitchen stuff. So I left some stuff in my truck over Sabbath because I had to get groceries.
They took the time to give me directions to Aldi, but I got lost on the way there and took a drive through Ann Arbor's neighborhoods. I eventually found it. Met a lady named Debbie who has family in my home town. I told her I'd end up seeing her a lot, because I like shopping at Aldi. Then I got lost on the way back, but eventually found the apartment again.
This morning I got up and went to church. I put extra time in my schedule in case I got lost, but my written-out-by-me instructions were excellent and I ended up arriving at church before anyone else. Like only fifteen minutes, but still. People trickled into Sabbath School, but the superintendent was like, "There's only three of us here, so pick a favorite hymn." I'm pretty sure she and I were the only ones singing for a least two songs. The Sabbath school class I attended was really good--I had never thought of the Resurrection being God's endorsement of everything Jesus had done, but that makes sense. The sermon was super on-point, full of practical advice, and yet not too long.
Then I met another UM grad student and she introduced me to a bunch of other students and I went to a yummy potluck and met the pastor and his wife and many others (whose names I'll eventually learn). Apparently the student group is rather active, and that's exciting.
Tomorrow, it's more grocery shopping and room organizing and maybe some furniture finding and maybe a walk through the neighborhood. Apparently people expect stuff sitting on the curb to be taken by people, so maybe I'll end up with some useful things.
So, arrived here on Friday. I'm not in the apartment I was expecting to be (it's not finished yet), but I still have a place to live and he's not changing the rent because it's his fault the apartment I was going to be isn't finished yet. He and his parents (who spend weekends here working on the little apartment) helped me bring most of my stuff in. The one guy thinks I have a lot of stuff, but really it's clothes and books and kitchen stuff. So I left some stuff in my truck over Sabbath because I had to get groceries.
They took the time to give me directions to Aldi, but I got lost on the way there and took a drive through Ann Arbor's neighborhoods. I eventually found it. Met a lady named Debbie who has family in my home town. I told her I'd end up seeing her a lot, because I like shopping at Aldi. Then I got lost on the way back, but eventually found the apartment again.
This morning I got up and went to church. I put extra time in my schedule in case I got lost, but my written-out-by-me instructions were excellent and I ended up arriving at church before anyone else. Like only fifteen minutes, but still. People trickled into Sabbath School, but the superintendent was like, "There's only three of us here, so pick a favorite hymn." I'm pretty sure she and I were the only ones singing for a least two songs. The Sabbath school class I attended was really good--I had never thought of the Resurrection being God's endorsement of everything Jesus had done, but that makes sense. The sermon was super on-point, full of practical advice, and yet not too long.
Then I met another UM grad student and she introduced me to a bunch of other students and I went to a yummy potluck and met the pastor and his wife and many others (whose names I'll eventually learn). Apparently the student group is rather active, and that's exciting.
Tomorrow, it's more grocery shopping and room organizing and maybe some furniture finding and maybe a walk through the neighborhood. Apparently people expect stuff sitting on the curb to be taken by people, so maybe I'll end up with some useful things.
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Friday, May 24, 2013
Update
5-24-13
I go to camp soon. That makes me happy.
It'll also make it harder to find an apartment in Ann Arbor. Not like I actually have the cash to sign a lease yet anyway. I make money as a substitute teacher, but not that much.
I need to apply for the graduate PLUS loans because I haven't gotten any scholarships and I didn't get the position I applied for (I didn't even make it to an interview). *sigh* This is what I'm going to have to do after I finish. I wish I got the same interest rate that banks do when they get loans from the federal government. (Then again, "if wishes were horses, we'd all be eating steak." Thanks, Jayne.)
I go to camp soon. That makes me happy.
It'll also make it harder to find an apartment in Ann Arbor. Not like I actually have the cash to sign a lease yet anyway. I make money as a substitute teacher, but not that much.
I need to apply for the graduate PLUS loans because I haven't gotten any scholarships and I didn't get the position I applied for (I didn't even make it to an interview). *sigh* This is what I'm going to have to do after I finish. I wish I got the same interest rate that banks do when they get loans from the federal government. (Then again, "if wishes were horses, we'd all be eating steak." Thanks, Jayne.)
Saturday, May 4, 2013
So
They finished offering the second-round scholarships. I didn't get offered one. This is not heartening.
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Several Paragraphs of Rant Which None of You Actually Have to Read
4-25-13
This might be TL;DR, so be warned.
I have realized that I don't really like subbing. It's not the terrible afternoon I had in a second grade classroom, or the crazy day I spent with kindergarteners. It's not even the fact that yesterday I stepped in between two fourth-graders after one of them punched the other so hard that the other kids in the class were commenting on the 'pop' it made.
I just don't like being tied to my phone and other people's schedules, I've realized. I had two half days of work, and then I spent three weeks after being fully hired waiting for phone calls and never getting a call. Three weeks, in which I developed an actual schedule and routine. Then a week of spring break, during which I knew I would not get a call, so that was fine.
So when I started getting calls two weeks ago, I was actually excited. I'd be making some money, at least. But I've only had one call the night before, but it was at 9:30 PM. I mean, seriously, now I can't go to bed earlier than that because what if they call and I miss it? I'd get more guff from Mom. The rest come an hour before I'm supposed to be at whichever school I've agreed to be at. I've been lucky enough to usually have rather well detailed plans left behind me, and I've enjoyed working with elementary students, I suppose.
I definitely remember why I had been planning to teach high school instead of elementary school. Being a teacher all day (or half a day) drains me by the end of the day, and then when I get home I'm still expected to the chores I've picked up on doing. (I don't mind the chores, I suppose, and I plan to do that sort of thing when I've actually got children, etc., but I am not my siblings' or parents' mother and I don't think that if I've worked a full day that I should also have to make dinner and run the dishwasher and do other people's laundry. If that's selfish, so be it [at present].)
I am happier staying home and creating order there as well as working on trying to find my housing for the fall than subbing. Mom just gets upset when I get a call that I turn down, like today. If I get called tomorrow, I'll work, but I was told (by Mom) that I got to create my schedule with this job, but if I actually get to do that (like this week, I've worked two days and stayed home two days and will work tomorrow if I'm called), then why do I keep getting the feeling that I don't really have the ability to choose my schedule? I suppose my undergraduate adviser was right when she said she didn't really see me being in an office because I was brilliant and independent enough to be my own boss.
This semester (see how recently I graduated? everything's still in semesters and summers and breaks) hasn't been what I thought it could have been, or what I wanted it to be. I wanted to earn money, but the job I was hired for basically didn't call me for a month and now I'm trying to not see it as an interruption of my life. I really don't like have been basically put back in the roles that I went to academy and then college (as well as part of why I love working at camp so much) to get out of, and I don't like not being able to be emotionally honest here. I wish Mom would actually talk to me about stuff instead of implying things or making faces or dropping hints.
Frankly, I wanted to be in Tennessee, with my friends who feel like family and a community that I actually felt a part of. But I had no way to make money and still pretty much don't. I wanted to be where I felt like an adult and seen as an adult and treated as an adult. But I'm not, so I suppose I should just deal with it until I get to camp the first few days of June. Hopefully I'll have my fall housing worked out. I really hate the unknown, but I suppose that God can't show me great and mighty things that I didn't know (Jeremiah 33:3) unless I didn't know about them. I guess that's the lesson I'm learning by being here.
This might be TL;DR, so be warned.
I have realized that I don't really like subbing. It's not the terrible afternoon I had in a second grade classroom, or the crazy day I spent with kindergarteners. It's not even the fact that yesterday I stepped in between two fourth-graders after one of them punched the other so hard that the other kids in the class were commenting on the 'pop' it made.
I just don't like being tied to my phone and other people's schedules, I've realized. I had two half days of work, and then I spent three weeks after being fully hired waiting for phone calls and never getting a call. Three weeks, in which I developed an actual schedule and routine. Then a week of spring break, during which I knew I would not get a call, so that was fine.
So when I started getting calls two weeks ago, I was actually excited. I'd be making some money, at least. But I've only had one call the night before, but it was at 9:30 PM. I mean, seriously, now I can't go to bed earlier than that because what if they call and I miss it? I'd get more guff from Mom. The rest come an hour before I'm supposed to be at whichever school I've agreed to be at. I've been lucky enough to usually have rather well detailed plans left behind me, and I've enjoyed working with elementary students, I suppose.
I definitely remember why I had been planning to teach high school instead of elementary school. Being a teacher all day (or half a day) drains me by the end of the day, and then when I get home I'm still expected to the chores I've picked up on doing. (I don't mind the chores, I suppose, and I plan to do that sort of thing when I've actually got children, etc., but I am not my siblings' or parents' mother and I don't think that if I've worked a full day that I should also have to make dinner and run the dishwasher and do other people's laundry. If that's selfish, so be it [at present].)
I am happier staying home and creating order there as well as working on trying to find my housing for the fall than subbing. Mom just gets upset when I get a call that I turn down, like today. If I get called tomorrow, I'll work, but I was told (by Mom) that I got to create my schedule with this job, but if I actually get to do that (like this week, I've worked two days and stayed home two days and will work tomorrow if I'm called), then why do I keep getting the feeling that I don't really have the ability to choose my schedule? I suppose my undergraduate adviser was right when she said she didn't really see me being in an office because I was brilliant and independent enough to be my own boss.
This semester (see how recently I graduated? everything's still in semesters and summers and breaks) hasn't been what I thought it could have been, or what I wanted it to be. I wanted to earn money, but the job I was hired for basically didn't call me for a month and now I'm trying to not see it as an interruption of my life. I really don't like have been basically put back in the roles that I went to academy and then college (as well as part of why I love working at camp so much) to get out of, and I don't like not being able to be emotionally honest here. I wish Mom would actually talk to me about stuff instead of implying things or making faces or dropping hints.
Frankly, I wanted to be in Tennessee, with my friends who feel like family and a community that I actually felt a part of. But I had no way to make money and still pretty much don't. I wanted to be where I felt like an adult and seen as an adult and treated as an adult. But I'm not, so I suppose I should just deal with it until I get to camp the first few days of June. Hopefully I'll have my fall housing worked out. I really hate the unknown, but I suppose that God can't show me great and mighty things that I didn't know (Jeremiah 33:3) unless I didn't know about them. I guess that's the lesson I'm learning by being here.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Yay!
2-19-13
Last week, I got accepted into UMSI! I'm really excited, though I'm not giving them an answer until after I find out what kind of assistance they can offer. Y'see, I'm poor, and graduate school is expensive. So I got myself a new bank account (so I could have a local account, and not just one whose closest branch is two hours away from me), and I've done my taxes. I still need to do my FAFSA, but I'm sure my expected family contribution will be what it has been for the last couple years (0000). I've also turned in all my paperwork to work as a substitute teacher in my local public school system, so now I just have to wait for phone calls in order to have work.
I appreciate the fact that SI has current students e-mail prospective students. I've exchanged e-mails with a current Archives and Record Management (ARM) student, and the most useful thing I've found out so far is that it'll be cheaper to find housing that isn't run by the university. (Where have I encountered that before?) Anyway, SI has a Prospective Student Visiting Days in March, and I plan to sign up and attend. They've got a job fair and a housing fair at the Visiting Days--it would be silly not to go, considering that I'm only a couple hours away from the school.
Yay!
Last week, I got accepted into UMSI! I'm really excited, though I'm not giving them an answer until after I find out what kind of assistance they can offer. Y'see, I'm poor, and graduate school is expensive. So I got myself a new bank account (so I could have a local account, and not just one whose closest branch is two hours away from me), and I've done my taxes. I still need to do my FAFSA, but I'm sure my expected family contribution will be what it has been for the last couple years (0000). I've also turned in all my paperwork to work as a substitute teacher in my local public school system, so now I just have to wait for phone calls in order to have work.
I appreciate the fact that SI has current students e-mail prospective students. I've exchanged e-mails with a current Archives and Record Management (ARM) student, and the most useful thing I've found out so far is that it'll be cheaper to find housing that isn't run by the university. (Where have I encountered that before?) Anyway, SI has a Prospective Student Visiting Days in March, and I plan to sign up and attend. They've got a job fair and a housing fair at the Visiting Days--it would be silly not to go, considering that I'm only a couple hours away from the school.
Yay!
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