A Singular Rant

12-2-11

I would have made this fiction-y, I'll have you know. I tried to think of an adequate way of doing so, but nothing happened. So I'll just revert to honesty.

I'm growing tired of being told that being single is a gift because I am more free, I am in more control, I am more whatever. I know this fact. Perhaps I need the occasional reminder when I'm feeling whatever, I'll admit that. I have low days and up days. Everyone does.

So what is it that bugs me about being told that? What is starting to really irk me is that the people telling me this fact are all IN relationships. So, thank you for your stunning insight, you who are actually in a relationship. Depending on my mood (which, of course, is my problem, not yours), you either sound condescending, ignorant, or arrogant.  It's probably a "Grass is greener" situation, but statements regarding another person's singleness can be very frustrating to the single person. (If, of course, they're similar to me in that this is frustrating.)

Condescending comes when it feels like you're being told, "Oh, poor you. It'll happen some day, but until then, it's a gift that you're single. It just takes time."

Ignorant comes when the saying comes across as "Oh, I don't see how you could possibly feel lonely. It's not like God made us for relationships or anything. You have friends, don't you? You can't be lonely because you have friends." [Perhaps said speaker never-ever-once-in-a-million-years felt lonely, but I seriously doubt that.]

Arrogant sounds like, "Oh, you'll know what it's like once you're in a relationship. You'll see. But it's a gift being single, you know. I wish I was back there. But if you really want to, well, just do it. It's not difficult. You just talk to people and BAM! relationship. Simple, really." What's unsaid is the thought Oh I am so glad that I am not you but it's definitely (and, maybe, unconsciously) in their tone. [But really, I've never understood how people see it as easy. Relationships of any sort take actual work, you know, and so I don't understand how people end up in relationships. Maybe that's my problem.]


So, if you want to be real and discuss your relationship, fine. I have friends and family, and that falls in the relationship category, even if those relationships aren't romantic. I'm open ears.

If all you want to do is offer me platitudes about how the right person is "out there" in the proverbial ether and make it seem like you're rubbing your relationship in my face (even by accident), please don't. Please explain to me that you're tact-impaired and we'll move on to other topics, like the weather and sports scores and classes and grades and what not.

Quite possibly the problem is all with me. I recognize that. But please do me a favor and stop telling me something I already know. It's irritating. (And, for some reason, a quote from Attack of the Clones just popped into my head when I wrote that.) More later.