Philia

10-18-11

Fiction-y thing.
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She'd told him lots of things in the time they'd know each other. He was one of the few people who'd seen her cry, and had once threatened to violently harm anyone who ever made her cry like that again. They shared in-jokes that only seven people in the entire world knew, laughing at the remembrance of sunshine and the sound of the sea. He could tease her almost mercilessly since she knew he meant it kindly, and sometimes his jokes and his stories held truth behind them, truth that needed to be heard.  If this were chemistry class, she could call him a catalyst. She'd never met anyone like him before, that was for sure. She took his suggestions seriously because she trusted his opinion, trusted him--and it was a trust that had been earned, that hadn't been granted lightly.

She believed that he trusted her as well. He'd told her things that she wasn't quite sure had been told to many other people. Granted, there was a risk that he told everyone such things, but she didn't really think so. He'd been honest with her about his future plans, about the girl who'd hurt him (not like she hadn't seen it coming, but some things have to happen, unfortunately). They'd shared ideas and stories and built meanings out of nothings and wrote and draw and supported one another. They were friends.

She had told him lots of things, but probably was never going to tell him what she'd been wondering recently. Nope. Much easier--safer, too--to stay his friend, to enjoy his presence, his conversation, than to risk possibly everything and possibly get back absolutely nothing. Better to keep it how it is instead of wasting times on what might bes.

They were friends, and she was going to leave it at that.
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Sort of Distracted

1-14-11

In scuba diving, getting distracted can get you dead. Our instructor gave us plenty of crazy stories about people wandering off and getting stuck or eaten or running out of air and just plain ending up dead. I believe his stories, though I'm sure he made sure to tell us the scary stories so we'd do what we were supposed to.

Anyway, I'm sort of distracted right now. And it's not even dangerous stuff that's distracting me--it's good, I'm growing sort of stuff. And it's not super bad. I mean, I still pay attention in class, I'm still doing homework and getting all the stuff I need done done. But in those spare moments, the moments between class and work and homework, the moments where I'm half-awake and half-asleep, I get distracted. I think it's the most distracted I've ever been in my life.

What frustrates me is that 1) I'm getting distracted and 2) what happens with the stuff I'm distracted by is not under my control. (So I suppose it's a little scary, too. But so was scuba diving after all those stories Hidao told.) I'm in control of whether I'm distracted or not, and, most of the time, it's not a big deal. I choose to focus, and all is well.

But it's those unbidden moments of distraction that frustrate me, and all that my best human friend tells me is "Choose not to be distracted." (Some days I don't know if he gets that I have difficulty just switching off like that. Anyway.)

So, even though it's mostly good things that are distracting me, I don't want to lose my head. I don't want to get narked, to use scuba diving parlance. I don't want to wander off and end up (metaphorically) dead. I want my head and my feelings to work together, not against each other.

Because who knew how fascinating fish were?

Things We Waste Our Time On Instead of Writing Our Next Short Story Draft

3-14-10

I, like many people, are prone to procrastination. My math teacher in high school considered procrastination to be a "bad word" because it meant we didn't get our math homework done. Most of the time, I agree with this teacher I had, but that's usually because I'm so incredibly busy that if I procrastinated, I'd probably fall behind.

Well, I have been procrastinating on figuring out what sort of posts to do for this blog, and I've been procrastinating on working on my next draft of the short story I'm working on (at least, I think it's a short story; since I haven't typed it up yet, I don't know how many words it has). That got me thinking about what I do instead of typing up my next draft--and that gave me an idea for a post. Happy day!

Bejeweled Blitz on Facebook is a one-minute swapping the jewels game that I frequently indulge in. I probably shouldn't--though during spring break, I got a score of over 500,000--and I think it's actually addictive. I've pulled back a bit, but that's because I have homework. Actually, Facebook in general is a time-waster, although I do have legitimate uses for it (like keeping in touch with friends that I'm not in the same state--or room--with). However, I don't need to be constantly logged in and "liking" 419 people's status updates. Oh, the joys of the interwebz.

I am reading The Lord of the Rings for the fourth time, and I am finding more things to enjoy in it each time I read (perhaps I'll do a book review after I finish reading each section of it). I also have homework, though I did read some Tennyson poems for Monday's British Literature class. (We're studying the Victorians now!) Yet I need to work on my term paper revisions. Later, perhaps.

While reading news on CNN, I found this, since today is Pi Day, the day before the Ides of March (also, it's Einstein's birthday). Look for your birthday in Pi--or look for any other number string. It will seriously be cool and time-consuming. It will distract from both writing and homework.

Oh, and there's homework. Did I mention I did that instead of writing? *sigh* I like school, but homework can be annoying when you want to write. Especially if you're a procrastinator.

Now it's time to stop using this blog as procrastination and work on that draft.

~Ashlee