4-17-12
This last week or so has been very tough on me, even as my academic obligations are finishing or easing because I've been getting stuff finished. It's very easy to seem all put together when one gets projects or homework done early. For a long time, that's the sort of thing I hid behind. You know, make it look like everything was running smoothly, since all people cared about was the surface anyway. Perception was belief, or some other such nonsense. (Though I suppose there's some truth in that what people perceive influences their belief(s), whether or not what they perceive is the truth.) It was just a whole lot easier and safer to hide behind the facades and castle walls that I built up around myself. If you can't join, beat 'em, that sort of thing.
Anyway, I'm just going to be honest; the last week or so has been tough on me. Some of you know more about it, but I've tried to be careful to not mention names because, as Aslan would say, it's not my story to tell. I didn't do anything wrong, but I was still affected by a situation, and I really hate feeling like I've disappointed and/or offended people.
Part of that is a residual effect from stuff from when I was younger, but I think part of it's my personality as well. Though I don't put a lot of stock into personality tests, I think they can give some insight. And my Meyers-Briggs test comes out with a personality that doesn't like injustice or incompetence, especially if it's inside oneself. Tell me about it.
Anyway, that's just me being honest. (Well, honest-ish, I suppose, but I also don't think that my blog is a place to parade everything. I mean, I do have to think about trying to get into graduate school or trying to get a job after that.)
More later.
I'm sorry things have been tough on you, dear.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry I haven't really been there.
I wish I had something of value to say.
I was sitting on my couch this afternoon which is mostly covered by Mt. Laundry, so it's not really a comfortable seat. In my discomfort, I was thinking about you and how you were not yourself last Thurs. or today. I'm hoping I'm a third party to the injustice/incompetence and not the unjust incompetent one thwarting ya. Regardless, just want to remind you in a sisterly way that you were praying recently that the enemy would stand far back from the work of SonRise. Just remember that the work of SonRise, the work of that beautiful story of redemption is not over. God is powerful to sustain us. So let Him continue to encourage your heart to remember the redemption, to keep first in your heart your role as one who knows the story and who is living out a life redeemed. Hugs.
ReplyDelete@Janelle: It's okay. Everybody has tough weeks.
ReplyDelete@S-L: I've had beds covered with Mt. Laundry, so I understand. You are definitely a third party to what I'm talking about. And thank you so very much. I definitely needed the encouragement.