Just A Little Melancholic

5-1-12

I hate the end of the school year.

I mean, sure, I like finishing up classes and not having to deal with tests and homework and what not. I'm fine with that. I'm looking forward to camp and ceramics and skits and plays and what not.

But I've hated the end of the school year since about the end of my freshman year of academy. I will be separated from the stuff I like to do, the people I like to be around, and the places I like to be. It's become a lot better since I was a freshman, partly because I've grown and changed and matured, but I still don't like it.

And I don't like having to move. All year long I always have the delusion that where I live is where I live. But it's not. I'm just here because I'm in school. I still technically live out of boxes and suitcases I packed at the end of freshman year of academy. The contents may have changed, but the overall situation has not. I would like to be in one place and live there. Yes, I want to travel, but I want somewhere to return to. (And next semester I don't even have where I presently live to return to.)

And this year, this semester, is marked by the fact that, to my knowledge, it's my last spring semester. Seven months or so from now I'll be graduating and I don't know what lies ahead. Sure, the path that God has put me on is safe because He's with me, but I really don't like the unknown. I like to figure stuff out. That's why I enjoy Encyclopedia Brown, the Boxcar Children, and Sherlock Holmes stories, along with cop shows like Law and Order, NCIS, and Castle.

Despite some disappointments and what not this year, it's been a good school year. I've deepened some friendships that I wish I would have done a lot earlier in my career at Southern, but it's not like I have a time machine. ("Come back to me, Phil.")

You know what sparked this? Last night was the last Castle night of the year. We've gotten together every Monday night, even when Castle wasn't on. I definitely enjoyed it for more reasons than just watching Castle because it became more than that. (Besides, if it were just about the show, I could watch it off of abc.com and that would be that.) No, I like Castle night because we're all together and we talk and we laugh and we are normal (well, as normal as we can be, which I suppose isn't very normal). I suppose that quality time is one of my love languages. So be it.

The other thing that sparked this was the fact that I took my graduating Southern Scholar picture tonight, despite the fact that I'm not graduating until December and I haven't even done my project yet. (Though they tell me that if they didn't think I would get it done, they wouldn't have asked me to be in the picture.) At least they trust me. It felt weird, wearing a cap and gown and so many things around my neck when I won't be doing that on Sunday.

So, right, I know, this is all TL;DR, but yeah, it's what in my head right now. A bit too melancholy for my liking. A bit too much worrying on my part, but God'll work it all out.

More later.