Watched My Big Fat Greek Wedding tonight with my former roommate (the one I'm to be a bridesmaid for a week from tomorrow) and her dad and step-mom.
The question that lingers in my mind after watching it is this: How is it that apparently all a woman needs to do to 'get' a man is fix her hair, wear makeup, and wear clothes that fit properly?
It's like the unspoken message in the movie (and others like it) to all single women is, "Do it right--become the 'best' version of yourself--and you'll end up with a guy, too."
Well, you know what? I want to wear clothes that fit because that's a good thing to do. I don't want to hide. I don't want to flaunt, either. If I choose to do something with my hair or to wear makeup, fine, so be it. But I don't want to do it just because that's the way I'll snag a guy. They're not really fish, you know.
Incidentally, why do all the verbs associated with dating and relationships seem to be active verbs that imply predators and prey? You know, like prowl, snag, catch, scope, etc.? Yikes.
I am not a predator; guys are not prey.
I do not want to pretend to be someone I'm not in order to meet society's andor my mother's expectations. If I want to dress up or look nice, it'll be because I want to dress up or look nice, not because I'm trying to be bait.
Maybe that's why I'm still single.
I really appreciated this post. I think you have it exactly right: Girls should NOT be predators, guys should NOT prey. Not that I think it should be the other way around, but I think it works best when the guys are the ones to make the first move (not that girls should be prey either, but you know what I mean). It just seems to work best that way. I, for one, certainly wouldn't want a man wimpy enough to just accept being the follower in the relationship...
ReplyDeleteYeah, the roles shouldn't be switched, either. I mean, we may be mammals, but we're not animals. The whole predator/prey metaphor the world seems to use for either guys going after girls or girls going after guys seems a little degrading to me.
DeletePlaying Devil's Advocate here, meeting society's expectations isn't always a bad thing, nor is it entirely bad motivation. We live in a society of people, and we should be cognizant of that, and maybe doing what makes other people in that society happy isn't wrong. I mean, even Paul says we shouldn't be a stumbling block to other people, right, even if what is sin to them isn't sin to us.
ReplyDeleteI'm not saying that we should pander to society, but I don't think considering our effect on society or our mothers or on men or women is wrong. Certainly, our greatest responsibility is to ourselves, but we are not ONLY responsible to ourselves.
If we were, lots of guys would probably just walk around in their boxers (or so I've been told).
Oh, I agree. Sometimes, meeting society's expectations (or my mother's) is a good thing. (I certainly don't want guys walking around in just boxers.) And we shouldn't be stumbling blocks.
DeleteIt doesn't necessarily feel like pandering, but the ideals promoted by movies and what not don't necessarily line up with Christian womanhood (or even with the true picture of secular womanhood). The movies seem to say that, despite living in 2012, the expectations for women are pretty much the same that they were back in the day (i.e., even if one goes to college, it's really just to get married and have children). Not everyone thinks that way, but that sure seems to be the promoted idea, even if it's an underlying one.